"What I learned about Jesus tonight"

I had a pretty great conversation last night, one that I came back from excited to write about. Rather than re-write the whole thing, I think I'll just copy paste my journal raw, just changing the names of the people I reference...

Here it is, titled "what i learned about Jesus tonight"

"I need to start off this journal entry by reminding my fingers of their submission to the freedom I am feeling in my spirit. There should be no hindrances, this is and should be a place of freedom. Even as distractions walk in and out of my sphere, the spirit demands freedom to express itself through its places of living... me... all who have invited it.

So tonight I went slack lining with Chuck and Larry (fake names for blogs sake), the conversation that ensued our apparent obsession with walking across a piece of dental floss, is what has taken hold of my spirit tonight, and changed the way I see, well, so many good things.

Chuck was grown in the southern (this i will come to learn is crucial) church, and learned an emotional association with the church that was anything but good... good & true.

Larry has once had a faith, has a mother that reminds me of my own, and really the whole of his situation reminds me of my own... where I’ve been etc... These past few years he has strayed from his faith, but HAS once known Jesus (had a taste of the ice cream, and now realizes his responsibility to - now that he has tasted it and its goodness - have the whole bowl and share its goodness with others... man, we are to be those taste testers for other people, because we’ve accepted the gift of the whole bowl, and are priveleged to share it to others) and is responsible for that. He now struggles with Jesus being anyting more than 100% man, and believes that jesus was nothing more than that, man, who had realized his full potential to ‘feel’ and ‘be’ the power of God. It was Larry talking about this that made me see how yes, Jesus is 100% man, and was chosen to realize the full power of God, he, Jesus, accepted this, and through his committment to his creator brought deliverance for the world. And this was potentially grown over time... Jesus spending 40 days with the devil suffering and constantly being tested... shoot, did the Lord allow him to go there, so that he could grow the strength he needed to deliver the world?

Chuck has a tough view of christianity, and is a ‘one love’ being to his core - he is living in accordance to the moral code written on his heart. All the examples of christianity surrounding him are not of the Gospel, they are not fruitful representations of the spirit wolves in sheeps clothing, and he has experienced a molded (like the gross stuff that grows on cheese) form of christianity, not the true, fresh, real Gospel. Larry and I came to the same visual... we saw that it was like Chuck was learning to slack line (he is), and was trying to watch the slack line, while all around it there were people talking about how to do it (and explaining it wrong from lack of true experience)... all these people have blocked him from seeing that behind those people is bouncing around a quiet, beautiful, focused performance on the slack line that is true, real, and everything beautiful that he should strive to be some day... all the while knowing that (and having the scripture as guidance) starting off he is going to have wobbly knees, is going to fall a shit-ton, and will get hurt. When you see that person ‘living’ the good news of how to slack line, all of the sudden its as if the other influences and their draw begin to fade because the focus of your sense energy (the sum total energy that your senses are allowed to expel as a whole, committing whatever percent of that energy to whatever sense, equally or unequally distributing it) is on the one actually living it, and not speaking loudly about something he’s not actually living. And slack lining, it takes focus, so more than likely they won’t be talking about it and what they’re doing, but they won’t need words because their focus and attention to their goal is words enough preaching their ability. They carry themselves in a way that begs the question ‘what is the source of your strength/talent ’. The people I respect most in my life are those actually bouncing along, struggling to learn how to slack line, learning from the example we’ve been given and have our eyes, our senses, fixed on.

There was a lot of talk about the world, and Chucks problem with it, its religions, all the divisions etc, he believes God is a god of unity. And let me tell ya, Chuck has in many ways responded to the moral code written on his heart... at many points during the conversation he would share something he believed about the way we ought to live, and it would be as if he just quoted scripture directly... things about living simply, abandoning posessions, dying to self, loving all, things of this nature... and the spirit, by His grace, gave me scripture in those moments to follow, letting Chuck know that at the foundation of the way he believes he ought to live is scripture.

I’m trying to remember - and am frustrated now that I can’t - what we were talking about when the brainstorm above us was mixing conversation about the world and the many religions that have touched this earth. I forget exactly, but somehow we came to a beautiful picture of how God, the sovereign God of all creation, the whole (and awesome) universe, has told his story and how we’re meant to live in order to experience the fullness of life, in different ways to different cultures all over the world throughout all generations. Is this true? I do not know, how can anyone know fully? Do we know fully that christianity is the way? If we did, would it require faith? Wouldn’t it then be just fact? Faith requires some amount of doubt no? Anyway, would I put it past God to do this? To ‘inspire’ the writing of scripture, the happening of stories, all by ‘humans, their hands, in their sinful nature’? I shared with them how the verse in Romans 2 saved my faith in many ways (that verse is the one that lies in parenthesis, and says loosely quoted that people who haven’t heard the gospel, they are then responsible to live according to the moral code written on their hearts, and that this living would either accuse or excuse them on the day of judgement). This verse is in parenthesis (!!!!), and it freed me up more than any scripture ever has. This gives hope to those who don’t know Jesus, but live according to the calling on their hearts! And tonight, talking to Chuck, and combining my getting to know him with many other people I’ve met in similar shoes as him, I realized something. I realized, and really grew a deep hope that this verse extends to those who have not experienced the gospel in a ‘true’, ‘real’, ‘life-giving’ way that is unique to a person completely surrendered to Him, not those standing around the slack line talking about it, but those doing it. If you haven’t seen someone slack lining, if you haven’t been given a small spoon with a small taste of the glory behind the ice cream (jesus), then how can you be expected to ‘crave’ the whole bowl in a way that only people surrendered to Christ are. They live according to the code written on their hearts... How can an alter boy year after year forced to do all sorts of unimaginable things with his 'father' EVER be expected to come to Jesus?! Is there freedom for this boy if some day he chooses to live according to the code written on his heart, but putting aside Jesus and His requirements due to his experiences with the church? I just don’t know, but I can hope, and I can share, I can jump on that slack line, and shut my mouth.

I annointed Chuck tonight without him knowing it with the oil that Erin Jo gave me. I would like to invite you - whoever is on the other end of this - to come alongside me in prayer for both these two in their unique situations. Pray that if you're granted future interactions with either of them you would be nothing more than an example of what someone alive in Christ looks like, scars and all... ‘we’re not responsible to change people, just to love them’

I’m fading now, alhough so much still lies between the lines, this will suffice in sparking what was a beautiful memory of a night that the spirit was alive and working... so goodnight journal

So many beautiful things running through my soul... I feel like the lucky recipient of everything good tonight (somehow this description seems wholly appropriate)... It’s the feeling that comes with the assurance that you’re in a right place (I specifically didn’t say ‘the’ right place, because whose to say there aren’t other ‘places’ you could be that couldn’t also be right... it’s just that in saying ‘a right place’ you’re really saying that He, the spirit, is present and felt).

Also funny to remember that throughout the night we were running with a ‘just feel it’ campaign we had created earlier... everyting good requires feeling, and OH YA, wow... we talked about how in our lives there is a balance, and on one side is worry, on the other side feeling, the sum total of these two being 30 grams. Both worry and feeling come from the same source, the same materisl, and when someone has Jesus they’re given the gift to shift that worry over towards the feeling side and truly realize His presence, 'feel' His presence. When people take drugs to numb them from feeling because of worries, they’re taking away a chunk of that persons ability to feel the fruits of this world as well.. man, I don’t think I’m explaining this well, but in my head it makes total sense. Prescribed drugs take that 30 g down to “x” grams (where x < 30 ), and that person is no longer able to enjoy the balance being weighed more heavily on the side of goodness (in this scenario the balance is not meant to balance.. haha.. unusual i know but go with it) because they’ve lost the ability to. I saw this when Chuck was telling me about the drugs he’s given to stop him from worrying, and when he was about 5 minutes into talking about this I realized how thankful I was for the saving power of Jesus, and how He is a drug in-and-of Himself, the one that heals all, giving life not snuffing out our ability to feel but giving weight to the side of goodness.

Okay.. wow.. eyes feel like sumo wrestlers are bunjey jumping from eyelids... must go sleep!

Week 1

It’s now been a week living in BV, and in all the good ways it feels like its been a month. The adventures thus far are a positive indicator of what is sure to be a summer rooted deeply in all the good things. I’ve in the past five days guided all seven sections of Browns Canyon... and can’t wait to guide them hundreds more times the coming months. Every moment on the river has me lost in metaphor and thanksgiving for the gift all around me all day... water. Water that will eventually make itself to the gulf, be evaporated up into a cloud, moved back over and up to the mountain top as well as the plains bringing the source of life to all living things. The cycle continues, and we continue to live within the wonder, but refuse to give proper praise. Clouds, rain, rivers & oceans have to me become a constant reminder of the presence of the holy spirit, the source of life, the wellspring... we need water, we need Jesus... there is no life outside these two.

Tomorrow I will travel down to the south office about 20 minutes outside canyon city for a week of rafting a different section of the river. Six of the twelve rookies will eventually have to go down and live at this office which boasts a better camping situation, better weather, but falls short of Browns Canyon in technical difficulty, as well as missing out on living in Buena Vista... a town thats uncovered a warm spot in my heart where simplicity and its benefits are clearly seen. I mean shoot, I went to a restaurant last night that had two items on the menu, both came with a salad which you can’t choose. Prime rib or sirloin... which’ll it be?! Had donuts at a place this morning thats been there since 1936, and all the recipes were the same original recipes from 1936, made with the same equipment. There was even a group of three eighty-somethings sitting at a table in the corner... it was perfect. Anyway, at the end of that week is when we are able to start checking out, and begin guiding.

I wish I could share a picture of my view outside my car... I sit here now with a 180 degree view of some of the most powerful & comforting mountains I’ve spent time around. The clouds these past week seem to be tireless in their climb up over the tops of these mountains, proceeding to rain down snow, rain, & hail all over this thirsty landscape. The clouds are a sight for sore eyes as all creation in this region was becoming a bit thirsty... but it has arrived faithfully, and the bad weather has brought life, that life giving life, and so on and so forth.

I’m going to go now and continue my journey through the first book in the lord of the rings trilogy... a journey I can’t begin to convey my excitement for. Near the beginning there was a quote that launched me into a new level of excitement.. it read “there came one day to bilbo’s door the great wizard, gandalf the grey, and thirteen dwarves with him: none other indeed, than thorin oakenshield, descendant of kings, and his twelve companions in exile.” I have a feeling they will come into play down the road. I’ve become enraptured with the mind of JRR Tolkien, his creativity and attention to every single detail, sprinkled with some extra detail. But not too much so as to rob you the opportunity to expand upon his creativity and paint a picture from the words you’ve been given. This is the blessing of literature we’re as a culture quickly loosing an appreciation for.

Alrighty... Off to dress for dreams. Signing out.

BV

Three days now I’ve been living out of the back of my car. Buena Vista will be my home for this summer, and after only three days on the 40 degree water - today it even snowing - I can’t imagine a better way to spend these next three months. The people I’m working with - mainly the other rookies - have helped to make sense of myself in so many ways... they share a similar spirit, 6 of us 12 living out of our cars, the other six currently camping right near our vehicles with no plans to leave... seedlings for a beautiful, diverse community have been planted, and the looks of what will sprout I can only imagine.

This summer I will be retracting myself from the world of social media. I want to live fully here where I am, without living one curious toe in the Denver pool. I was thinking about it the other night, and with leaving fb for the summer I realized I may not feel its effects until a month or so into my ‘rehab’. I was at the Coyote Cantina last night with some good new friends, and near the mid of our conversation we all shared a similar reality... we realized we had felt a complete separation from the world these last two days, and hadn’t even realized the separation, other than that it felt good. That said, separation from multiple forms of media is something I’m extremely excited about... I feel like it’ll make tuning my ears (of the heart/spirit) a whole bunch easier.

The point of this blog really is to inform whoever is on the other side of this reading that I will be regularly updating my blog with whatever the spirit compels me to share... Also, I will have my phone and email, although not right on my hip all the time, I will be checking both regularly.

Off now to go get some grub... bye now.