Out of the Valley - From a few weeks ago

I wrote this a week or two ago journaling, it gives a good look into what the transition out of CO back to WA was like for me internally.. life aint all cherries.. but it sure is good..

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4/12/13

I sit here now, my life it seems couldn't feel more full, I have nothing but 'thanks' overflowing with the force of all our maker's beautiful waterfalls combined. It's big. See, I wouldn't have said that a week and a half ago - a month ago even - as many of the question marks which hit me like hail from the sky have now cleared and the "path" seems to be revealing itself in the clearing of a great storm. A week and a half ago I was basically homeless (not really though, but kinda.. ha), putting large amounts of weight into a new job I still had many questions about... financially things were lookin more grim than I was used to, and my life was packed up in a truck (I love you gunner) who with every sputter seemed to be reciting it's own eulogy. I was hanging to my faith,, listening more and more to the words of "the great accuser" and struggling in areas of my walk I'm not proud of. "Waiting" found a new synonym friend in "lazy", and my hands were getting antsy. Combine this with a spur of the moment move back to a seemingly foreign land in my hometown Seattle (not to mention my leaving buena vista, a town I saw as nothing short of my land of "milk n honey")... I had grown this vision of a future, of growing roots and building foundation for things I desired giving them chance to become reality... I felt such a large gap existed between the two... and in my fear - although never with words, but more with my feelings - I cursed my God at times, definitely turning my gaze.. looking back on it, i deserved the cursing... I never lost a vision for truth though, and with the little dust of faith I had, he was faithful...

And here I now am.. a week and a half later and it's as though I live in a completely different reality. I sit in my new home for the next two months, a little guest home, one room with a fire, bed, couch & kitchen all in one room... it's beautiful.. and this little home being right a stones throw from the shores of Burien, it's only natural the insides be constructed of rich mahogany, white stripped walls, copper boarders on every circle window, it's as though i'm in the kings cabin of a ship sailing comfortably across the dreaded atlantic. It's a dream really. My new boss who has so graciously invited me to live here for the time, is the man... Couldn't be more thankful. Of course a week and a half ago, where I was to live and how i was to afford it was the biggest question mark of all. This new job I came excited about but with questions, has only ironed itself out becoming smoother with each day. Gunner is in fact running great, and the gap shrinks before my eyes in an impossible amount... head bowed, all I have is thanks because I'm a piece of shit and don't deserve the blessings, but if by His grace.

... thanks ...

I did my first wine event tonight with my other boss (there're two, both rock, both love jesus and are completely unique from one another, its awesome)... the event was at Holy Names all girls school for a group of alum... a crazy night, I loved it. These past five days with Sozo, all amazing and more to come later on the details, but each day amazing & unique, what fun it is to represent a top tier quality wine, leaning with my associates on the power of Jesus, praying often, calling on the Spirit in using this gift of delicious juice to bring glory and healing to His kingdom and His people. This... THIS is what he calls us to, by what means, for profit not for profit, whatever wherever, that's ours to decide...

"Although The Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'this is the way, walk in it.'" isa 30:21

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might..." eccl 9:10

I love these..!. wherever, whatever, do it with all your might, for Him, and the spirits voice will comfort with words confirming your path.. even when the path to get to the peaks must first weave a valley or two..

So the time of questioning, the time of hanging by a thread - a thread enough for HIm to hold me in this case it seems - of faith where the only thing i could mutter was "I love, trust, and thank you God.."... those the only words I had, because anything else would've seemed empty (although i'd try, and lie, and it sucked..).. All I had was my core which i'm thankful was able to mutter even that. But from where I sit now, from that raw core life has sprung and spring it seems has made it's way to my soul.

I'm thankful for a job where every moment it seems pops a new vessel of creative juice in areas of my brain which had long since callused over... creative juice now flowing, and in an area I feel I know well, but had been out of for some time... the world of business. It's fun to feel like maybe those calluses were purposed, as was their popping, waiting to release my old "knowledge" over new life "experiences" I've found these past years.. and it would all make sense... There's that little voice again:)

If I had more time or energy I would write more about the job, the product, the beautiful causes behind it... I would write about my eventually moving to portland, my stoke level for getting back near family... I would talk about how I know jack squat about wine, but couldn't be more confident to bring it's goodness to the parched land of Portlandia... I would probably write a little about kayaking, because I love it.. then I'd write ya a little hum-dinger right before I signed off. So having given you the summary of what I "would" do, I think I'll go to bed now...

G'night friends...