"Last night Judd, Tyler and I journeyed up past Cottonwood lake to a campsite we found fit perfectly to our liking. Tyler and I were quick to set up our tents, both for the first time ever... Judd worked on a lean-to shelter getting us out of the rain which was only temporary (of course) then the fire. It was pretty special using our tents, both for the first time. In several ways, all different from each other, it was almost like unwrapping our futures. Setting it up next to tyler I first imagined the special nature of sharing that moment with him. I thought about my Papa and his close friend Lyle, their deep, long lasting, relationship and how many journeys all across this globe we will potentially experience, with these tents. More exciting than that is the idea of the person I will spend many special nights with, in this tent. That tent (i almost wrote temple) should be a holy place... a place where freedom can be felt, in all it's respects (there are SO many). I was deeply comforted by this image; like an unknown dimension approaching, reaching, passing by and through me, leaving it's warmth behind. The warmth brought with it - deep in it's warmest spots - nutrients which help grow peace in my heart, and led me into a state of prayer and thanksgiving... Prayer for her, the other 'free' inhabitant of my, our tent. However, because (i believe) of the seed planted in my heart, I can't get away from dreams of 'her' without too experiencing waves of His patient jealousy longing for the same sort of desire... He wishes me to dream dreams too of growing closer to him... Someday I imagine these two dreams will collide, and those waves of patient jealousy which once drew my eyes away from one dream, towards realizing another, will now have calmed to a peaceful stream, enticing and leading me to realizing the since set aside dream of companionship, covenant unity with a woman, growing a family full of light! What a beautiful image...
"For now my dreams hang in an unsure balance that I fear sometimes isn't balanced at all. I have a hard time convincing 'myself' that the path I am on could be any more life-giving. Of course the hopes for the next twelve months have much room for adjustment/improvement... I do believe that with much room for improvement, I am pursuing good things, with good people around me. With all these great 'plans', it's important to make straight with my heart and surrender them to his will... with overflowing joy and much excitement for how i might be used (gosh, look at the last three years luke!). I will say, I feel more distant spiritually now than I have in the recent past, and while my 'spirit' is high and good (really good!), something is missing in how I fulfill - to a greater depth - my spiritual hunger with action, feeding it's growing and insatiable longing to apply spirit, to world. Does this make sense luke? I hope so... I've lately felt an unexpected assurance of my place in life, & from an unlikely source, my customers. Many of my customers - in observing me living the life i've come to love & live with passion - you can see in their eyes a recognition of the contrast our two lives - when placed side by side - experience. In no way do i do what i do to bring others to a place of jealousy or envy, but I will without shame say that these looks, these energies I get from people bring equal amounts of assurance as they do aching for that person in their newly realized cage (of whatever strength & substance)... mostly ache. I ache for them to realize peace, to feel, smell & breathe in the earth and all it's experiences as it was intended. To sink into an instinctual appreciation for creation and all its moving parts... recognizing fully the smallness of their carrier, & the largeness of their spirit... then worshiping :)
"It's a beautiful thing taking a rested body early in the morning, and exploring in quiet contemplation the things of life. This creek, as it drives it's water down towards deeper, swifter currents, seems to drive my thoughts deeper & swifter to unexpectedly pleasant depths of discovery... Resting now by this clear-as-can-be stream early in the morning, coffee & durban, cool sun rays & fresh air all bringing life in their own unique way to mind, body & spirit... I do believe it is mornings like this the psalmists' encourage... early & intentional. Mmmm."
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
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