It's been a rough few weeks in many ways... each day it seems I'm still able to find my pocket of Light, but I've felt the weight of the fog resting more heavily on my shoulders. My reasons for going to Tennessee - while I still plan on and am excited about going for different reasons - have definitely changed, and while I don't feel the need to go into it online, the process of this evolution in my spirit (the past 12 months really) has jaded me in ways, and made it more difficult to connect in a pure way, a way I've felt before, with my Maker.
I came down to the river today, in need of rest. My body found it - rest - hovering near the river in my hammock, and my spirit tiptoed back into the word, seeking it. I went to look up the word 'rest' in my concordance, but before I found it I stumbled on a word I'd never really learned the definition of, but sort of knew what it meant. Precepts. I felt drawn to read scripture on this, as I felt like I should... Psalm 119 was where 5/9 references led me to...
119 is the longest of the psalms, and rarely will I jump to it for a quick psalm fill, simply because it's so long.. But I decided to... and it might now be one of my favorite. I was meant to read these words today... Twenty-one sections, each it seems is written by a different person with names like 'Ayin, Resh, Taw & Kaph to name a few.. each person laying out their heart for their Lord, seeking to 'find wonderful things in His law'. The word precepts, I counted later, and 17 times it is used in this psalm. The word means: 'a commandment or direction given as a rule of action or conduct.' All there for guidance, that we might experience joy contrary to what the world has to offer...
And if it's not the word precepts, the words 'statutes' & 'decrees' were both used equally if not more in this book of the psalms. Each author of the 21 different sections it seemed was at a unique place in their walk, some are 'laid low in the dust' with 'soul(s) weary with sorrow'. Others asking the lord to open their failing eyes, and give life to their spirits which are dried up like a 'wineskin in the smoke'. But they put their hope in the Lord, seeking to learn his decrees, and live up to his - their Father in Heaven's - precepts, because they know and have felt the life and freedom which is promised, the blessing poured over those who walk in these ways has and continues in their journey on earth to annoint their heads.
I read each of the 21 different authors intimate moments with God, as if they were my own. I journeyed into the souls of men who truly lived according to His word, men who lived into, and each day found Freedom in His promises, men who like me feel "laid in the dust" at times.
I came for rest, and what I found was an intimate moment with my Maker, a dripping wet moment of confronting his precepts for my life, confronting the ways I've turned my heart and taken it upon myself... and I can't do it. I dove deeper to the raw roots of that which has led my spirit on paths which - with time - have become encroached by the poison ivy of selfish desire, and thistles of fear and doubt. It seemed some of these 21 authors had experienced at some point a similar path, but all found their freedom in observing his precepts, keeping his decrees, seeking to understand his statutes and live according to His will.
The thing about having a real encounter and engagement with jesus, then learning through time in His word (guided by the spirit) the heart of our God and His pure call on the lives of those who choose him... is this word becomes burned on your heart in ways unique to you as a person, growing uniquely in your faith, and those precepts which you know lead to life (because you too along with so many others in n out of scripture have felt the freedom of the Spirit) become the 'cost of discipleship' we have at one point joyfully accepted, and are called to live into.
I haven't been taking the best care of myself; my eyes, feet and hands all have gone down their own path, and only in encounters such as mine today with my Lord, is that burden lifted, and I can feel the angle of my path turn towards the upward slope. Every day, there's that pocket of light. The Lord has preserved - like those 21 authors - my spirit, and longs to lead me out of the thistles and ivy to a more beautiful path which leads up to freedom and sanctification.
The Tennessee changes of these past several weeks - both in my spirit and future circumstances - have indeed led to my seeking this broader more scenic path, where I'm free again in His hope for my life. This walk through the thorns & thistles to His path for my life, a path 'lit by His word', isn't promised to be easy, but good. But with that weight of the upward journey, there's equal promise in his helping me (all) along the way feeding me assurance of His love throughout.
So many good things I'm blessed with... each day on the river, my cup overflows. It is with joy that I dive into the raw places of my heart and seek cleansing from His spirit, and with thanksgiving that I approach the day.
I'm not really sure why all this is worth sharing... maybe it isn't. But I know that throughout my journey sharing whats on my heart with y'all, it's the valleys which come with the peaks, and in all things we ought share and give thanks. Peaks are always ahead, and the light shines today a bit brighter through the ivy. And as the 21 responsible for the psalm I read today brought me light in their stories, may we all learn and grow from each others, and turn our eyes to the Maker of that which colors our world above, below, all around and within us.
I found that rest, and after 119 I went to Matthew 11 where Jesus promises in His 'gentle and humble heart, rest for your souls. For His yoke is easy, and His burden is light.'
:)
I think I'll rest well tonight.. Company super-hero party tonight in Cañon City (I'm going as quail man!!), then back in the hammock, under the stars, resting in His promises, learning and inviting his precepts.
Rest well, friends..
Onward
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