Journey Through the Thorns

It's been a rough few weeks in many ways... each day it seems I'm still able to find my pocket of Light, but I've felt the weight of the fog resting more heavily on my shoulders.  My reasons for going to Tennessee - while I still plan on and am excited about going for different reasons - have definitely changed, and while I don't feel the need to go into it online, the process of this evolution in my spirit (the past 12 months really) has jaded me in ways, and made it more difficult to connect in a pure way, a way I've felt before, with my Maker.  

I came down to the river today, in need of rest.  My body found it - rest - hovering near the river in my hammock, and my spirit tiptoed back into the word, seeking it.  I went to look up the word 'rest' in my concordance, but before I found it I stumbled on a word I'd never really learned the definition of, but sort of knew what it meant.  Precepts.  I felt drawn to read scripture on this, as I felt like I should... Psalm 119 was where 5/9 references led me to...  

119 is the longest of the psalms, and rarely will I jump to it for a quick psalm fill, simply because it's so long..  But I decided to... and it might now be one of my favorite.  I was meant to read these words today...  Twenty-one sections, each it seems is written by a different person with names like 'Ayin, Resh, Taw & Kaph to name a few.. each person laying out their heart for their Lord, seeking to 'find wonderful things in His law'.  The word precepts, I counted later, and 17 times it is used in this psalm.  The word means: 'a commandment or direction given as a rule of action or conduct.'  All there for guidance, that we might experience joy contrary to what the world has to offer...  

And if it's not the word precepts, the words 'statutes' & 'decrees' were both used equally if not more in this book of the psalms.  Each author of the 21 different sections it seemed was at a unique place in their walk, some are 'laid low in the dust' with 'soul(s) weary with sorrow'.  Others asking the lord to open their failing eyes, and give life to their spirits which are dried up like a 'wineskin in the smoke'.  But they put their hope in the Lord, seeking to learn his decrees, and live up to his - their Father in Heaven's - precepts, because they know and have felt the life and freedom which is promised, the blessing poured over those who walk in these ways has and continues in their journey on earth to annoint their heads.

I read each of the 21 different authors intimate moments with God, as if they were my own.  I journeyed into the souls of men who truly lived according to His word, men who lived into, and each day found Freedom in His promises, men who like me feel "laid in the dust" at times.  

I came for rest, and what I found was an intimate moment with my Maker, a dripping wet moment of confronting his precepts for my life, confronting the ways I've turned my heart and taken it upon myself... and I can't do it.  I dove deeper to the raw roots of that which has led my spirit on paths which - with time - have become encroached by the poison ivy of selfish desire, and thistles of fear and doubt.  It seemed some of these 21 authors had experienced at some point a similar path, but all found their freedom in observing his precepts, keeping his decrees, seeking to understand his statutes and live according to His will.

The thing about having a real encounter and engagement with jesus, then learning through time in His word (guided by the spirit) the heart of our God and His pure call on the lives of those who choose him... is this word becomes burned on your heart in ways unique to you as a person, growing uniquely in your faith, and those precepts which you know lead to life (because you too along with so many others in n out of scripture have felt the freedom of the Spirit) become the 'cost of discipleship' we have at one point joyfully accepted, and are called to live into.  

I haven't been taking the best care of myself; my eyes, feet and hands all have gone down their own path, and only in encounters such as mine today with my Lord, is that burden lifted, and I can feel the angle of my path turn towards the upward slope. Every day, there's that pocket of light.  The Lord has preserved - like those 21 authors - my spirit, and longs to lead me out of the thistles and ivy to a more beautiful path which leads up to freedom and sanctification.  

The Tennessee changes of these past several weeks - both in my spirit and future circumstances - have indeed led to my seeking this broader more scenic path, where I'm free again in His hope for my life.  This walk through the thorns & thistles to His path for my life, a path 'lit by His word', isn't promised to be easy, but good.  But with that weight of the upward journey, there's equal promise in his helping me (all) along the way feeding me assurance of His love throughout.

So many good things I'm blessed with... each day on the river, my cup overflows.  It is with joy that I dive into the raw places of my heart and seek cleansing from His spirit, and with thanksgiving that I approach the day.  

I'm not really sure why all this is worth sharing... maybe it isn't.  But I know that throughout my journey sharing whats on my heart with y'all, it's the valleys which come with the peaks, and in all things we ought share and give thanks.  Peaks are always ahead, and the light shines today a bit brighter through the ivy.  And as the 21 responsible for the psalm I read today brought me light in their stories, may we all learn and grow from each others, and turn our eyes to the Maker of that which colors our world above, below, all around and within us.  

I found that rest, and after 119 I went to Matthew 11 where Jesus promises in His 'gentle and humble heart, rest for your souls.  For His yoke is easy, and His burden is light.'

:)

I think I'll rest well tonight..  Company super-hero party tonight in Cañon City (I'm going as quail man!!), then back in the hammock, under the stars, resting in His promises, learning and inviting his precepts.  

Rest well, friends..  

Onward

Red letters & Tennessee

Writing again...  It can be intimidating.  This first paragraph is for you...  re-familiarize yourself with these keys...  open the stream of consciousness, let your fingers flow freely, and encourage their exploration of new places...  this is a place where you ought feel free, where you ought freely drop the murmurings of your spirit... today... now.  Always.  I want to write again, I want to inspire, I want to be inspired, I want to be re-centered in my own understandings, and find new footing through digging into scripture, seeing it in new ways, observing and recording its flow as it - a living word - pierces me in new ways, making raw my spiritual flesh to His calling on my life.  My journey through scripture this summer, while I haven't shared much of it, has been nothing short of raw...  And as after a long season on the river my body longs for the healing powers of the ocean, my spirit too longs for cleansing as - after a long and very different summer - it stares at itself in the mirror with evolved eyes to see where it falls short...   

In my journey cycling through the gospels I found myself in Mark the other night...  I had my hammock hung down by the river and I got all warm in my sleeping bag, eagerly awaiting the arrival of the nearly full moon over the mosquito mountains.  I called it in early that night as a small group of us were waking up at 5 to go do a sunrise kayak down the upper sections of the Arkansas..  we did, and it was glorious.  I laid there in my hammock, turned on my headlamp, and opened to the gospel of Mark.  Now, I don't usually use the red light setting on my headlamp (it's intended for reading), but this time I did.  As I started reading with this red light, I got a paragraph or two and realized that with the red light, I couldn't make out even a hint of the words of Jesus (they're in red letters).  How interesting... I read on a bit like this, only reading the words surrounding the words of Jesus...  I didn't enjoy it much...  

So I thought about something...  I thought it might be interesting to just read the words of Jesus, and nothing that surrounds them.  So I turned my normal light on a dim setting, and I began reading just the red letters from about chapter four, on until the end of the book. What I read, was beautiful... And while having a basic understanding of the surrounding stories helps, the words of Jesus, will meet anyone.  "Let us go over to the other side... Quite!  Be still!... Why are you so afraid?  Do you still have no faith?...  Come out of this man, you evil spirit!...  What is your name?... Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you."   For me, reading it this way was nothing more than an interesting experiment, but what I got out of it was pretty rich.  In reading it this way (and again, having a basic understanding of the stories surrounding his words helps) I found myself putting my own character into the stories, it was more natural, it was as if in the stories, Jesus was talking to me.  And in dealing with the teachers of the law, the priests and people who thought highly of themselves, it was also a very real experience in hearing Jesus talk directly to me in pointing to the areas I hold back from God.  But in reading only His words - the words in red - I felt throughout as if I were floating on top of an unimaginably deep & swift current of love which we are gifted the opportunity to experience, if we give our lives to Him...  and what he tells us is, it's worth it.. and with even the slightest amount of faith, the word comes alive.  So hang a hammock, watch the full moon rise, and wonder...  It's worth it.  

This summer's gone by fast.  Guiding low water has been tough, but a far better experience from what I had imagined.  My love affair with Anha (my kayak) has only grown deeper as I explore new and tougher sections of whitewater.  I couldn't be happier about the people I work with, each completely unique and necessary to create such a beautiful family of guides.  As the summer closes, I have now just a few weeks left on the river, and it seems my nose has sniffed out a desire to explore more rivers in the east.  I'll be pointing my nose towards tennessee come labor day... just for a few months.  It's good:) 

I plan on writing more, as reading often times seems empty afterwards without the discipline of exploring it at new depths on paper, slowing the brain to the confines of the hands.,  I've much I could use writing about...  

But if you're the praying type, pray for me these last weeks... I hope to finish with a healthy spirit, and a healthy body, tying up summer relationships here with sturdy knots that will last on until next summer when we all come back yet again (high water!!).  Pray my spirit would bloom in these next weeks, that the light would shine, and I would respond and align my life to reflect that light.  

I'm in my hammock now, and it's just startin' ta rain... I'm gonna be off to bed now.  more to come...  g'night.